Gratitude in the heart of your home

You can’t be angry when you are feeling gratitude.

You can be resentful when you are feeling gratitude.

You can’t be sad when you are feeling gratitude.

Feeling gratitude transitions your emotions to felling love about what you have.

Once you love what you have you are opening your heart to more abundance, more love, more experiences that will trigger positive emotions.

Let’s make this a big deal. Not only couple thoughts you capture in the morning or before you go to sleep in a journal. Let’s display it big in the heart of our homes.

I have a gratitude board in the middle of the living room that reminds us of some things we are grateful about. I also invite guests to write what they are thankful for.

This morning we restarted the board. I’m grateful that my little one was appreciative for other than family, such as hugs, the moon, and herself!

I’m also grateful that if you read this post you might transition to a better feeling and remind you that we are alive and enjoying this wonderful planet with incredible family and friends. Just put your hands in your heart, close your eyes and take a deep breath.

Being Kind or Being Right, a Parent Dichotomy

I recently read with my Son the Wonder Book by R. J. Palacio. The book is  about a child, Auggie, who has a disfigured face due to the Treacher Collins syndrome. The novel relates Auggie’s challenges to attend school, make friends and fit in society. The magic of the book relies on Auggie’s journey, touching hearts and changing people around him, making him a remarkable human being, a wonder.

Mr. Brown is the English teacher in the book. He provided a precept (principle that guides our thought and behaviors)  for every month. His September precept, and the first one given in the book, was a quote by Dr. Wayne Dryer:

WHEN GIVEN THE CHOICE BETWEEN BEING
RIGHT OR BEING KIND, CHOOSE KIND

It sounds beautiful. But in reality it is sometimes  hard for a parent. Can you teach a kid by being kind instead of right?

Yesterday, I stumbled open a story (or maybe a fairy tail) of the Babemba (or Bemba) tribe, which I was not aware of. The Babemba tribe is one of  the 72 tribes in Zambia, located in Southern Africa. The story inspires an incredible human way to deal when someone does something harmful.

The person that does something harmful is taking to the center of the village. The whole tribe surrounds him. The tribe members take turn to tell him all the good things he has ever done, how great he is, etc. The tribe believes we all come to do good and that we all look for safety, happiness and love. The tribe helps him raise his human spirit, connect him to who he truly is.

Today we don’t live in magical tribes.  Our houses have fences and we only see each other at neighborhood parties, kids activities, gym or at the pool in summer.  However, I am fully convinced that we can practice raising our kids human spirits even in the worst situations in our modern fast highly-structured world.

I tried to mimic in a way the Bemba tribe, with my small tribe, my three children. If someone does something bad that we don’t like, we very fast forgive and raise his spirit. And we do it by writing notes.

I recently wrote to my son the following letter, after he did something harmful (He hide my computer because I took his phone away). And, as a surprise, I put the letter in Mom’s home mailbox, when he was not with me.

My Dear Son,


I am so thankful to have you as my son. Because you are an incredible human being
You are kind. Yes you are:
When you help your Mom without asking
When you share your cookies with your brother
When you respond with your smile
When you let your friends play first
When you buy candy for your brother
When you help your sister cross from one side to another playing lava
When you don’t ask for soda in a restaurant to help me save money.

God gave you an incredible body, strength, muscles and flexibility. Soccer teams have enjoyed having you, basketball teams have enjoyed having you. I have seeing you doing front flips, not one, not two, but eight times in a row. I have seen you jumping in your bike, climbing a wall like nobody else, and beating me and all the other kids your age in a 5K race.

I see how kids your age want to be with you. I see how they call you. I see how they come to my door asking for you. I see how nice you are with them inviting them to your house, inviting them for dinner, to sleep overs.

I remember when you took one of your friends for a bike ride, even though you know we was not very good. You had patience and you were there to support him. His dad told me once: Your son is a gentleman, he is welcome every time.

Continue being so awesome with your friends, You just need to be you, showing respect and kindness.  You will have as much friends as the starts in the universe.

Every morning and every night before going to sleep, I put my hands in my heart and think about you. I pour you with blue green magic light that goes form my heart to you. I’m sending you my love. I see you shine, in your room, above the house, above Gaithersburg. A bubble of your love, of your light goes around the US, fills the Earth, fills the universe. I get a sense, a tickling,  an incredible sense of Joy.

I love you,

Your Dad

And here is a written note from his sister, She wrote it when she was 6 year old.

This is just a note, a simple note written by a incredible little human being. Written when his brother was being mean to her. A note highlighting and act of kindness of his brother waiting in the hot sun for her.

I think our kids need more hugs instead of punishments. They need more inspiring words, kind words to raise their spirit instead of more rules and behavioral contracts.

When we are anger about a difficult situation we can’t hear or see. We are in this emotional state where we disconnect from our being.  So, let’s try to reconnect raising our spirits. Raising our kids spirits.  Let’s  practice more a  language that can penetrate that barrier and get deeply into our hearts.  As Mark Twain said:

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

 

 

 

 

A Mindful Walk on Nature

The end of September is a tricky time of the year in the Washington DC area. It might rain, be cold or sunny. I guess it is all part of the magic of Fall.

I was blessed the last weekend of September. I had my kids with me and the weather was on the 70’s. Perfect weather to get out.

I usually engage them in an outdoor activity. I gave them several options: biking the Crescent Trail, hiking the Sugarloaf Mountain or hiking around Clopper Lake. I knew they were going to choose Clopper Lake because it is closer to our home, about 5 minutes away by car. It is an awesome place to hike if you live in the Gaithersburg area. You can walk around the lake, which is about 3.5 miles. You can breath nature, touch nature, smell nature, … reconnect. In other words enjoy a mindful walk.

I parked near the eastern part of the lake and we all walked down to meet the Lake Shore Trail. Immediately Titi took the lead. After few minutes he stopped and looked near a rock. He saw a small creature. I’m not sure about what he exactly was looking at. I was happy he was just exploring. I loved it. I didn’t need to say anything. Their attention became focussed on their surroundings. Their sensory system activated. There was nothing to do but walk and play with whatever they found on the path.

These were some conscious activities that arouse naturally from the two hour hike that I wanted to record, that I might used in future hikes, and that might inspire other parents. Here they are:

1) Look for animal saliva in trees

It sound gross, but is was fun. We looked at the trees cut by beavers and we dare to touch the saliva in the trunk. It was a great opportunity to talk about beavers. We discussed about where they might live, if they swim or not, and how stinky the saliva was compared to other salivas.

2) Estimate beaver bytes from diameter of trees

It was an interesting idea that came from my 7 year all daughter. We started looking at trees and imaging how many bites a beaver had to take to bring the tree down. We looked at a 40 inch tree, and she said: Well.. is like 100 bites. The we looked at a 10 inch tree and she said: I think is like 10 bites.

I was not sure about the efficiency of the beavers, but I think we were not that far away from reality. The point to be made is that it was fun and allowed us to talk about math concepts.

3) Challenge to remain silence

The rule was that nobody can talk. Just walk. We lasted like 10 minutes. It was an interesting exercise to control yourself. I know it is a common practice in mediation retreats where people can’t talk for days. I lost the challenge when I spoke to correct their direction. They were going the wrong way. They were 20 ft in from of me. I had to break the spell by saying Kids go the other way! Next time I will think about getting their attention in a different manner.

3) Try to bend a branch slowly without braking it

This action requires connecting the branch with your heart and feel when it is about to break and stop. It is a very mindful act since you need to concentrate on the pressure of your fingers and fill the branch folding in your hands. Your eyes connect to the branch and to your feelings foreseeing any possible rupture. We broke several of them. What worked best for us was bending and relaxing several times while each time bending a little bit more.

4) Talking, hugging and high fiving trees

This also sounds silly, but it was fun. Specially, my girl does it in a very natural way. For my boys it was a little bit harder. We said: Hi tree how are you? Thank you for being here and cleaning the air that we breath, for making shade, for making this place so beautiful. Then we hug the tree or just high five it. We also respectfully said Bye Tree.

5) Look for turtles or other cool animals

Walking trying to spot animals is great, because you center your attention in an idea. I think it helps thinking of a positive idea and projecting a specific outcome. Something that’s what we need to do more in our lives. Feel the outcome of what you desire. We are going to see a turtle, it is just a matter of time. Almost at the end of our trip, we spot some turtles and took a video of one of them swimming. If you have never seen turtle swimming, here you go:

I recently was in a yoga class, where the teacher was talking about abundance. And she mentioned one idea that made me ponder:

What do you have, that money can’t buy? What is so precious that it will be very hard to put a value on it?

I responded internally in my half lotus position:

Having three kids, hiking in a beautiful lake with them, living in such an awesome safe place like Gaithersburg, and all of us having the health condition to hike for two hours.

Maybe the acts of mindfulness lead to acts of gratitude!

 

Happy and Wise Christmas

Christmas is a special time of the year to be with family and friends, remember  Jesus’ birth,  be kind to each other,  exchange presents, eat, dance, hug and laugh. This is the first Christmas in 13 years that I will not be with my kids. This is the bad side of a separation.  Anyway, I  will be with my kids on New Year’s Eve and we will celebrate a late Christmas. I will go to Church, volunteer, and take time to reflect about how to give more and become wiser (especially with my kids).

 

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Think like a winner: Lessons learned from a 5 year old

I have found that board games are one of the best activities to spend time with your kids. It is a great time to talk about life in general, how their day went, who do they played with at recess, what they learned, and what it’s bothering them most. It is a great time to teach them to be patient and to stop and think about making decisions.

My daughter is 5 years old and her favorite game is the matchmaking memory game. Cards are all placed facing down. Players take turns to pick two cards. If the cards match, the player picking the cards keep them. The player that has more matches at the end of the game is the winner.

I try to play hard, to concentrate and to memorize the position of the cards. I repeat the name, the image and create a story around it. They are like 50 cards. It is hard to make a consistent story of the cards spread everywhere. The incredible fact is that she ends up wining most of the times without any effort of internal repetition or effort to memorize any card. This weekend I found the reason.

When we were playing last Friday, she suddenly stopped and said she wanted to write something in her notebook. I said I was fine. While she was writing, I was looking at the cards trying to remember the images of the ones we had turn over in the last hands.

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Then she showed me the note and I understood why she wins most of the times. She really wants to beat dad. Her desire is so big she wrote it down “Win the memory game”. She showed the note to me with excitement and really meaning it. Her sparkling eyes told me everything. It is not about how hard you work and concentrate on the details of your job or work. It is more about your desire to be triumphant. That desire will overcome the obstacles, will bring all the energy needed to pursue your dreams, will make you concentrate on the important tasks, and might beat your dad in a board game.

Take your goal and put all your desire on it, write it down, flip the cards and make it happen.

 

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You might guess what happened at the end of the game…  I lost again!

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